i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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