I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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