my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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