I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
