i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
