the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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