just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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