I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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