Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
