i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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