i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I know her cup size but not her name....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
