So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
