there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
