which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
