I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
