Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
