I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
