I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
