Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So squirting runs in the family.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
