As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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