I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
