Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
