His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
