He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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