Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
