Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
