girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize