what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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