Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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