So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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