Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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