i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
