nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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