My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
