Whod you bang
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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