dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
