My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
