"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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