he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
