I just made out with a guy for $7.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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