I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
