this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this beer tastes like vomit already
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
