Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
