When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
