Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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