I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
