That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
