oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My balls are so social today.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
