Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
