i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
only if we run a train.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?