I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
