I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
