Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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