so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and she was petting her beer can
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
