he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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