So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
