he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
