worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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