If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
