I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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