I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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