Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
