There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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