i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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