she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize