Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
