Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
home. puking in laundry basket.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
