you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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