some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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