Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
