Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
