dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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