it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
