Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize