Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
