I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
