He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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