the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
