perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
