she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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