Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize