she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
