I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
