i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
