last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
