Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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