Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
