i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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